Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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