what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
