Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
