1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Randomize
