oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
