no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
