i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
