shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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