I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
