Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
you guys were way drunker than both of me
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
These tits shall not be calmed
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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