It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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