let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Randomize
