well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
