you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
