i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
