I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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