i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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