I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
