my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize