I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
