you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
