your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize