There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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