Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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