anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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