i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
