i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
my god I love twenty year old dicks
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
