I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
