Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
