I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
How drunk are you?
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