someone owes me an orgasm
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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