Heybabeimwearingurpanties
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
