would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
