I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
