So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
what day is it and did you see me today?
We got so high we made milksteak
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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