I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
