you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
