it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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