if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize