I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
