I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
