Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
