Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Life is so much better after having sex.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
