i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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