Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
