the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
