No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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