are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
