Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
