Old men and throwing up are my life now.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
