So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
