I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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