I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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