the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
