he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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