two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
