I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Randomize
