Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
