mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
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