I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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