She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
what day is it and did you see me today?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Randomize
