Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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