do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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