He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Randomize