The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
