dude i'm inner monologue high
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
