Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
