when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
