There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Randomize
