and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
