sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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