It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
