is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
