after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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